You planned ahead. You set expectations. You talked with your child. But sometimes, alcohol still shows up. Know how to respond, when to step in and when to get help. The conversation about consequences can come later.
If you’re hosting the party
Alcohol shows up at your house
If you find alcohol at a gathering you're hosting, act quickly.
1. Stop the drinking.
Take the alcohol away and make it clear that drinking is not allowed.
2. Check on the young people.
Look for anyone who may have been drinking. Pay attention to how they are acting and whether they need help.
3. Contact parents or guardians.
If someone has been drinking, let their parent or guardian know what happened. It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but keeping them safe is more important.
4. Don’t let anyone drive.
Make sure every young person has a safe way home. Never let someone who has been drinking drive.
5. Get help if needed.
If someone is difficult to wake, vomiting repeatedly, having a seizure, breathing slowly or irregularly, or showing other signs of alcohol poisoning, call 911. Don't leave them alone.
What if a parent is upset?
You may worry that another parent will be angry with you. Remember: protecting a young person's safety comes first. Be honest about what happened and focus on getting their child home safely.
If your child is at someone else’s party
You find out alcohol is there
Your first response matters. Try not to make your child afraid to call you.
Start with safety, not punishment.
Tell your child:
“I’m glad you told me. I’m here to help. Let’s figure out what to do next.”
Then:
1. Find out where they are.
Ask where they are, who they are with and whether they have been drinking.
2. Go get them if needed.
If alcohol is being served or your child feels uncomfortable, offer to pick them up. You can have the bigger conversation later.
3. Make sure they don't get in a car with someone who has been drinking.
No matter who is driving—even a friend, older sibling or parent.
4. Check on them when they get home.
If you think your child has been drinking, stay with them and watch for signs that they need medical help.
5. Talk about it later.
Once everyone is safe and calm, talk about what happened. Ask questions. Listen. Then set expectations for what happens next.
Give your child an easy way out
Kids don't always know how to leave a situation without feeling embarrassed or getting pressured.
Create a no-questions-asked escape plan before they go.
You might say:
“If you ever find yourself somewhere alcohol is being used, call me. I will come get you. You won't be in trouble for calling me.”
You can also create a code word or emoji your child can text when they need you to call or pick them up.
The goal is simple: Make it easier for your child to choose safety.
Know the signs of alcohol poisoning
Someone who has had too much alcohol may need emergency medical help.
Call 911 if a person:
- Cannot be awakened or is extremely difficult to wake
- Is unconscious
- Has a seizure
- Is vomiting repeatedly
- Is breathing slowly or irregularly
- Has pale, blue or clammy skin
- Is confused or unable to respond normally
Don't assume they can “sleep it off.” Alcohol poisoning can be life-threatening.
While waiting for help, stay with the person. If they are vomiting or unconscious but breathing, place them on their side to help prevent choking.
What not to do
When alcohol is involved, some common responses can make things worse.
Don't:
- Let someone “sleep it off” alone
- Leave an intoxicated young person alone
- Let them drive or ride with someone who has been drinking
- Try to make them vomit
- Give them coffee or a cold shower to “sober them up”
- Avoid calling for help because you're worried about getting someone in trouble
When in doubt, get help.
After everyone is safe
The incident doesn't have to end the conversation.
Use it as an opportunity to talk about what happened and what your child can do differently next time.
Try asking:
- What happened?
- How did you feel about what was going on?
- Did you feel pressured to drink?
- What could help you feel safer next time?
- What can we do together if you're ever in this situation again?
Keep the conversation open. One difficult night doesn't have to shut down future conversations.
Make a plan before the next party
The best time to decide what you'll do when alcohol shows up is before it happens.
Talk with your child about:
✔ Who they can call
✔ How they'll get home
✔ What they'll do if someone offers them alcohol
✔ What to do if a friend has been drinking
✔ Your family's expectations about alcohol
Remember
You can't control every situation your child encounters. But you can make sure they know what to do—and that they can come to you when they need help.