What do kids need most from the dads and male caregivers in their lives? According to Dr. Dan Cramer, it’s not a perfect parenting playbook—it’s presence. In Episode 6 of Parenting Unfiltered, host Sara Kapp sits down with Dr. Cramer (clinical director of North Dakota’s Regional Human Service Centers and father of six) to talk about how men model mental health, emotional strength, and stability at home.
His message is refreshingly simple: Don’t overcomplicate it. Be there. Be consistent. Keep the door open.
- Episode 1: Healthy Habits for Healthy Minds: Screens, Sleep, and Winter Routines >
- Episode 2: Small Routines, Big Resilience: Real-Life Tools for the Early Years >
- Episode 3: Building Resilience Through Play: Simple, Open-Ended Wins at Home >
- Episode 4: Big Feelings, Sibling Squabbles, and Holiday Survival: Practical Tools from the Therapy Couch >
- Episode 5: Protecting the Growing Brain: Love, Limits, and Everyday Prevention >
- Episode 6: Strong Role Models, Strong Families: What Kids Learn From the Men Who Show Up >
Presence Builds the “I’m Safe” Feeling
Dr. Cramer explains that kids learn who they are—and whether the world is safe—through their relationship with caregivers. You don’t have to nail every moment. But kids do need to know:
- “My parent shows up.”
- “I matter here.”
- “Even if I mess up, I’m still loved.”
He also names a trap many parents fall into: paralysis by analysis. Books, opinions, social media, grandparents… it can start to feel like there’s one “right” way to do family life. His take: there isn’t. The goal is connection—and each family will do that differently.
Tiny rituals, he says, can make a big difference.
One of Dr. Cramer’s favorite tools is the simplest: a daily check-in. In his home, the day ends with a consistent moment—stopping in, saying goodnight, offering a hug or prayer, and reminding kids, “I love you. See you in the morning.”
It’s not fancy. But it sends a powerful message: no matter what today looked like, we’re okay.
Try the “High + Low” Conversation
At dinner (or in the car, or during bedtime), Dr. Cramer recommends sharing a high and a low from the day. The “low” matters because it helps kids get comfortable naming hard feelings early, when stakes are small.
It also lets parents model emotional honesty:
- “I had a tough moment today.”
- “I felt frustrated.”
- “I handled it and I’m okay.”
Over time, these small conversations build a foundation for the bigger ones later.
Emotional Strength Isn’t “Toughing It Out”
A big theme of this episode is how society teaches boys (and men) to hide emotions, sometimes subtly, sometimes directly. Dr. Cramer points out that showing emotion is often labeled “weak,” even though it actually takes courage.
He encourages dads and male caregivers to slow down before rushing kids past feelings. Validation first. Then coping. In other words: don’t skip the part where a child learns, “It’s okay to be where I’m at.”
A simple reframe:
Instead of “wipe the tears and move on,” try: “That was hard. I get it. I’m here.”
Repair Is a Superpower
Another big topic in this episode is apologizing, and Dr. Cramer doubles down: when a parent apologizes, kids feel seen and relationships get stronger.
A genuine apology models accountability better than any lecture ever could. It also teaches kids something huge: relationships can heal.
What a “clean” apology can sound like:
- “I’m sorry I raised my voice. That wasn’t okay.”
- “I love you. I’m going to try again.”
No excuses. No justification. Just repair.
Meet Them Where They Are (Even If It’s Not Your Thing)
Want your child to talk? Start by showing interest in what they care about, even if it’s not your hobby. Dr. Cramer shares how he learned to engage with a teen who didn’t want to talk much… until it was about gaming. The entry point wasn’t a deep conversation. It was showing up.
He also shares a dad mindset shift: try to say yes when you can.
- “Want to play ping pong?”
- “Want me to watch?”
- “Want to show me how this works?”
Those invitations don’t last forever. Taking them seriously now pays off later.
And even if you didn’t start the “talk about feelings” habit when your child was little, Dr. Cramer says it clearly: it’s not too late.
It might feel awkward at first. Your kid may even be suspicious (“…why are you being nice?”). Stay steady anyway. Walls come down with consistency.
Start small: game night, a short walk, a quick check-in at bedtime. Keep offering. Keep showing up.
Self-Care + Normalizing Help
Dr. Cramer keeps it simple—sleep, movement, reading, and staying connected to supportive people. The goal isn’t a perfect routine; it’s modeling: “I’m worth taking care of.” He also encourages dads to reduce stigma by talking about counseling like any other health support.
Simple script: “Talking to a counselor helped. It’s just health care.”
If community feels out of reach—especially in rural areas—start with what’s available: family, church/community, or shared activities (hunting, golf, coaching, volunteering, coffee). For many men, trust builds side-by-side first, then deeper talks come later.
Your presence is enough.
Try This This Week
Pick one small habit and repeat it:
- High + Low once a day
- 5-minute bedtime check-in
- Say yes to one connection moment
- Do one repair (clean apology)
- Text/call one friend: “How are you—really?”
Explore more episodes of Parenting Unfiltered for practical, judgment-free tips you can use today. Watch on YouTube or listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and find recaps, handouts, and pocketbooks on the Parents Lead website. New episodes drop throughout the season. Follow and share to support North Dakota families.