High school students are navigating independence, identity, pressure, and big decisions about their future. Parents still play a critical role—especially when it comes to behavioral health. This page focuses on realistic ways to connect with teens in grades 10–12, what to expect, what to say, and how to keep conversations going, including through text messages.
Teenagers will often resist your efforts to discuss the topic of alcohol with them; however, research indicates that teenagers list their parents as their most trusted resource when they are faced with difficult decisions. Recognizing that this might be one of the most difficult conversations you will have with your son/daughter, below are some items to keep in mind as you have the conversation:
- Convey that you care about and love your child
- Express that you want to understand and help your child
- Be willing to back off if your child resists and try another time. Your willingness to back off shows that you are respectful of your child and their privacy.
Your teen will react to discussing alcohol in various ways; here are some possible reactions:
- Suspicion about your sudden interest in the topic
- Doubts that you will understand/respect them
- Fear of hearing a lecture
- Indifference or lack of concern
- Anger for invasion of their privacy
A conversation with your teen about alcohol may always be difficult – but the more you talk with them, the easier it will become.
While having these conversations with your teen, it is important to share accurate information.
- Inform them. Talk about the risks associated with underage drinking such as:
Accidents or injuries - Increased chance of sexual assault
- Reduced academic achievement
- Relationship issues
- Negative impact on the body (e.g. weight gain, blackouts, hangovers, lower inhibitions)
- Empower your child. Talk to your teen about how to stand up for their beliefs and decisions, empower them to take a stand when someone is pressuring them to make high-risk choices. Discuss what they would do if such a situation presented itself and where to go for help.
- Be open and firm about:
- Family consequences if caught using. Be clear on what consequences your teen will face and think about setting up a ‘behavior contract’.
- School consequences
- Legal consequences and cost
- Convey your willingness to help. This is a great time for you to express your love and concern for your child. Express your desire to help if they are struggling with something or find themselves in a difficult situation.
Behavioral health conversations with teens are built in small, consistent moments.
- Check in casually and often—not only when something seems wrong.
- Use low-pressure times like car rides, late evenings, or shared activities.
- Follow up later: “I’ve been thinking about what you shared.”
- Thank them for opening up, even when the topic is uncomfortable.
When teens know conversations won’t lead to judgment or overreaction, they’re more likely to open up again.
Communicating on Their Level
Teens want to be treated like capable, growing adults.
- Listen more than you talk.
- Validate feelings before offering perspective.
- Be curious instead of confrontational.
- Respect privacy while staying connected.
Connecting Through Text Messages
For many teens, texting feels safer and less intense than face-to-face conversations. Used well, it can strengthen connection.
Tips for supportive texting:
- Keep messages short and calm
- Avoid sarcasm or guilt-based language
- Don’t demand immediate replies
- Use texts to open the door, not force a conversation
Examples of supportive texts:
- “Thinking about you. How’s today going?”
- “I’m here if you want to talk—no pressure.”
- “That test/job/situation sounded stressful. Want to check in later?”
- “Love you. Proud of you.”
Even simple messages remind teens they’re supported and not alone.