After your child loses a loved one to suicide, it can leave you with many questions as a parent as well as feel overwhelming and intimidating. You are also likely experiencing your grief and questions. Your response and support will play a key role in helping your child cope with their loss. It is important to be patient and understand that everyone grieves at their own pace and in their way, and your child is no different.
Creating a Space for Healing
Allowing your child to know they can heal in their way and at their own pace will help with the process. Ways you can help include:
- Listen Without Judgement
- When your child is grieving the loss of a loved one, it can be easy to offer them advice, opinions or make judgments. It's important to listen without judgment or attempt to interpret what they are saying. Repeating what they said so they know they are being heard is a simple way to respond. Once your child knows you are listening, they are likely to come to you when they are hurting or in need of advice.
- Provide Routine and Consistency
- While some flexibility is good, try to keep a consistent routine so your child knows what to expect throughout the day. (i.e. homework, bedtime, etc.)
- Let Them Decide
- The unexpected death of a loved one can often leave young people feeling powerless. Allowing them to make choices can help them re-establish a sense of control. This can be as simple as letting them pick out their clothing or can be more complex, such as participating in the memorial service.
- Ensure your child has a positive support team who are not encouraging high-risk behaviors but instead encourages positive and safe coping skills.
- Create Rituals Around Holidays and Anniversaries
- It's important to remember the person who died by celebrating significant days such as their birthday, holidays, Mother's Day or Father's Day in a meaningful way(s).
- Involve your child in commemorative activities without forcing them (i.e. gravesite visits, sharing a favorite meal, lighting a candle or sharing memories).
- Remember to Talk About the Person Who Died
- Often, people avoid remembering the person who died when the cause of death was suicide; however, actively remembering them is an important part of grieving.
- Do not be afraid to talk about and remember the person who died and encourage other family members to do the same. This can be done by allowing the child to keep objects that belonged to the person and talk about their significance.
- Make Time for Play and Relaxation
- It is important to make sure your child gets a break from the seriousness of grief and give them opportunities to have fun. If you are not able to do this due to your grief, ask a close friend or relative. Remember, when your child sees you playing and having fun, it can reassure them that your family is going to be okay.
While most children and teens will ultimately return to their prior level of functioning after someone in their life has died by suicide, some may be at risk for developing challenges such as depression, difficulties at school or anxiety.
Some families find it helpful to attend a support group where they can connect with others who are also grieving a suicide death. While family, friends or a support group may be enough for some children, others may require additional assistance.
If you notice ongoing behaviors that interfere with a child's daily life, seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional. Don't be afraid to ask about their experience and training in supporting children and teens after a suicide death. If you or a child you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
You can find additional ways to help your child cope with a suicide loss through Flipbook from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Resources:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
The Dougy Center