Set clear rules and role model good behavior
Set clear rules and behave the way you want your kids to behave.

At this age, children view issues as right or wrong with very little middle ground; therefore, this is an ideal time to set clear rules. Children in this age group need to understand the family’s rules. Have clear expectations for behavior, tell them the reasons for your rules, monitor your child, and implement appropriate consequences. Keep in mind that research indicates that children are more likely to follow rules that they themselves have helped to create though joint decision-making rather than rules that have been set in an authoritarian way. See what your parenting style is!

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In North Dakota, almost 4% of middle school students reported having their first drink of alcohol at 8 years of age or younger.1 Therefore, it is important to communicate your values and expectations early.

Many drugs are illegal because they are very dangerous and can hurt people. Even legal substances like alcohol, tobacco, and medicines can be dangerous when used improperly. It is important that your child knows that adults may drink in moderation but children may not, even in small amounts, because it is harmful to their developing brains and bodies.

Communicate your values and expectations
Clearly communicate your values and expectations.

Your expectations are driven by your morals and values. Social, family, and religious values give children reasons to refuse alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs and help them stick to their decisions. In clearly communicating these values with your children, consider the following:

• Teach values of respect, honesty, responsibility, kindness, and caring through examples your child can understand and recognize what values look like in everyday situations. For example, when your child hugs another child who is upset, you can say, “When you hugged your friend because they were sad. That showed you care.”

Substance-related messages in the media
Talk to your kids about substance-related messages received through the media.

Television can be extremely influential on your child and you want to counteract any negative messages s/he may receive. First, it is important to begin teaching your child to be consumer conscious by discussing how TV advertisers try to persuade children to buy their products even if they aren’t good for them (e.g., candy cereals, etc. named after cartoon characters that children find appealing).

Secondly, a disadvantage of your child viewing TV is the exposure to images of people smoking, drinking, and using illegal drugs. Even children’s cartoons sometimes show drug use (e.g. Alice in Wonderland- Alice consumes a drink/cake/mushroom that makes her grow or shrink; the giant caterpillar smoking a water pipe). Some TV shows or movies may even glamorize drug use. Remember to ask your kids how they feel about the things they've heard — you'll learn a great deal about what they're thinking.

It is recommended that parents limit television to 1-2 hours daily and watch programs alongside their children, so that you are there to address any objectionable material viewed by your child.

Find out more information about alcohol and the media.

Keep your child active in the community
Encourage your child’s participation in community programs that emphasize healthy living.

Around this age, children begin to look for peer groups outside of their immediate families. They need to feel that they belong to a wider community. Take steps to direct your child toward the right kinds of groups and friendships, in order to avoid groups/friends that may have a negative influence on them. When your child has a healthy group of people around them, your drug-free messages will be reinforced — and your kids will have fun, stay active, and develop healthy friendships.

Expressing their feelings
Help your child explore new ways to express their feelings.

Children who are taught to express themselves have an easier time dealing with peer pressure and resisting other temptations. Therefore, anything you can do to help your child express emotions through talking will strengthen their resilience to drugs. For example, if your child comes to you and says, “I’m really mad at you,” reply “Thanks for telling me how you feel, but I still need you to clean your room.”

Some kids feel shy in one-on-one conversation or have difficulty expressing themselves verbally. Provide your child with creative alternatives such as painting, writing, or story-telling. Your child may also feel more comfortable opening up to other trusted adults in their life (e.g., family friend, relative, or neighbor).

Know who is influencing your child
Get to know your child's friends — and their friends' parents.

An advantage to getting to know the parents of your child’s friends is that you will know the kind of people that are influencing your child. Also, by getting to know the parents, you can verify your child’s statements when he or she says, “All my friends get to do it.” Most importantly, connecting with the families of your child’s friend will help form a safety net for your child because you can help supervise each other’s children and look out for their safety.

It is common in small towns for everyone to know everyone even through generations! Here are several ways you meet other families: set play-dates, arrange to share driving with other parents for after-school activities, volunteer at your child’s school, join PTA, attend faith-based activities, attend sporting events or other social gatherings, etc.

Teach problem-solving
Teach your child effective problem-solving skills.

Help them find long-lasting solutions to homework trouble, a fight with a friend, or in dealing with a bully. Be a good listener and give your child an active role as you guide them through the process of finding a solution. Be sure to point out that quick fixes are not always long-term solutions. Remember that at this age, justice is based on fairness and friendship. Friends’ approval is becoming increasingly important at this age.

Here are some tips to help your child de-stress during the problem-solving process.

Know who to trust
Create a "helpers" file of trusted adults your child can rely on.

It is important your child know which adults, both at school and outside, they can rely on for answers to questions or help in emergencies. Create a phone list for your child of relatives, family friends, neighbors, teachers, religious leaders, and the police and fire departments. Talk with your child about the kind of help each person on the list could provide in case an unexpected situation arises and they need help (e.g., being approached by a “stranger”).

Ways to say NO and go!
Give your kids the power to escape from situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

Teach your child to trust their instincts or intuition (e.g., if something feels bad, it probably is). Make sure you child knows that they shouldn't stay in a place that makes them feel uncomfortable or bad about themselves. Also, let them know that they don't need to stick with friends who don't support them. Practice ways to say “no” with your child and help them come up with ways to avoid uncomfortable situations. Go over scenarios or possible situations ahead of time (e.g., asked to ride bike where they know they shouldn’t or being offered unfamiliar substances, or “dared” to do something embarrassing or dangerous) and give your child some responses to use in these situations so they will be prepared to handle those situations with confidence.