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The Conversation: What to expect

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain

Teenagers will often resist your efforts to discuss the topic of alcohol with them; however research indicates that teenagers list their parents as their most trusted resource when they are faced with difficult decisions.

Recognizing that this might be one of the most difficult conversations you will have with your son/daughter, below are some items to keep in mind as you have the conversation:

• Convey that you care about and love your child
• Express that you want to understand and help your child
• Be willing to back off if your child resists and try another time. Your willingness to back off shows that you are respectful of your child and their privacy.

Your child will react to discussing alcohol in various ways; here are some possible reactions by your child:

• Suspicion about your sudden interest in the topic
• Doubts that you will understand/respect them
• Fear of hearing a lecture
• Indifference or lack of concern
• Anger for invasion of their privacy

A conversation with your child about alcohol may always be difficult – but the more you talk with them, the easier it will become.

What to say

While having these conversations with your child, it is important to share accurate information with your child:

• Inform them. Talk about the risks associated with drinking alcohol underage such as:
• Accidents or injuries
• Increased chance of sexual assault
• Reduced academic achievement
• Relationship issues
• Negative impact on the body (e.g. weight gain, blackouts, hangovers, lower inhibitions)
Also, during the conversation is it important to be open and firm about:
• Family consequences if caught using. Be clear on what consequences your child will face and think about setting up a ‘behavior contract’ with your child.
• For examples of a behavior contract, be sure to sign up for the Parents LEAD monthly e-mails.
• School consequences
• Legal Consequences and cost
• Empower your child. Talk to your child about how to stand up for their beliefs and decisions, empower them to take a stand when someone is pressuring them to make high- risk choices. Discuss what they would do if such a situation presented itself and where to go for help.
• Convey your willingness to help. This is a great time for you to express your love and concern for your child. Express your desire to help if they are struggling with something or find themselves in a difficult situation.

The Conversation: Continous and Consistent

• Try to ask questions instead of lecture.
• Set CLEAR expectations for your child regarding alcohol use and hold them accountable to those expectations.
• Continue having the conversation, everything doesn’t have to be discussed in a single setting.
• Be a role model – set an example of appropriate drinking behavior in your own life. Sharing stories about your own drinking can send a mixed message to your student.
• For specific examples on how to respond to your teen’s resistance or tough questions register on the Parents LEAD website for monthly tips via e-mail.

Suggestions for Parents on How to Communicate with their Children via Text Messages

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